Amy Schumer and Goldie Hawn are a daughter/mother duo who get kidnapped in Snatched, the latest disappointment from modern cinema. After getting dumped, Emily (Schumer) convinces her mom Linda (Hawn) to join her on a non-refundable trip to Ecuador. Linda is cautious and hesitant; Emily is free-spirited and spontaneous; they butt heads accordingly. They are kidnapped while in Ecuador and held for ransom. After escaping their captors, the women spend the rest of the movie evading dangerous men in the Colombian jungle and trying to get back to America. Wanda Sykes also makes an appearance.

Speaking of Wanda, there is a lot of wasted talent in this movie – Joan Cusack, Wanda Sykes, Ike Barinholtz. And of course, the promising pairing of Amy Schumer and Goldie Hawn, which just falls flat. There are a few laughs in this movie, but they feel more like automatic reactions than anything else. Like imagine yourself watching this movie stone-faced, then something funny happens out of nowhere. You laugh because it’s a relief; almost like a sneeze – but then you go back to being stone-faced. This movie is like that.

It’s a shame because Amy Schumer is a very funny person. She didn’t write this movie, unfortunately, and I suspect that is part of the problem. The other part of the problem is that the characters are just so unlikeable. Even Goldie Hawn is vaguely unlikeable in this movie – Goldie Hawn, one of the most endearing comedic actresses ever! At least her character is not as annoying as Emily, who is basically a mess, just like this movie. This movie is one hot, sticky, mess, and not the fun kind. It’s all over the place. In the midst of the slapstick humor and weak jokes, there are nauseating scenes in which Linda and Emily try to have genuine “moments.” These moments are misplaced, weirdly paced, and a bit awkward.

A few months ago, I watched Overboard (1987) for the first time. The movie, starring Hawn and Kurt Russell, is quintessentially ‘80s, with all of the required cheese. But despite its age, the film was still an enjoyable watch. It held-up, thanks to Hawn’s and Russell’s performance, and because, well – it had heart. That’s a terribly cheesy thing to say, but it’s true. Why am I mentioning a movie that’s 30 years old in a review for Snatched? Well, it’s because Snatched is Hawn’s first movie in 15 years; and this movie will never hold up in the future. This movie has no heart despite its weak attempts at saccharine mother/daughter moments. Coincidentally, it also has no humour and no reason for you to watch it.